Shooting Indoors & Staying Creative: Part I
I was recently asked to submit a response to interview question about what creative work I have been able to do while inside as a photographer. I ended up writing so much the editor was only able to use one paragraph of my otherwise length essay. I didn’t want it to go to waste, so here it is.
Shooting Indoors & Staying Creative
We are all coping with the Corona virus in different ways, but what we have most in common right now is our collective isolation, being “apart but together.” We are quarantining to stay safe and healthy, to keep others alive. We are trying to be there for our loved ones, to pay our bills, and to stay hopeful. We are all grappling with the confinement of our homes, and managing the daily onslaught of scary news. As a freelancer and small business owner, I initially panicked when so much of my work came to a halt, either cancelled or postponed. But after a few days of feeling completely disoriented, I sought ways to stay engaged and inspired, and to share my journey with others. At first, it felt frivolous to focus on creativity, but with each passing day of increasingly bad news, it felt more and more necessary to make art, to document what has been happening, and to connect with others virtually about this process.
Taking Self-Portraits While Quarantined
Getting Vulnerable
I have been shooting a series called ‘Reflected’ for almost three years. 'Reflected' is a photo series using mirrors in nature, largely taken on the beaches of NY, where I play with reflections, create portals, and invite viewers to do a double take with the imagery. My own reflection was only a minimal part of the larger project. During this time at home, I turned the camera on myself with my mirrors in a new self-portrait project, flipping an otherwise outdoor photo project on its head. Prior to Corona, I had planned to teach an in-person workshop about shooting with mirrors this Spring. Now I’m using this time to make self-portraits and create the content for my workshop.
In this photo, taken during the first week of quarantine, I dedicated an entire afternoon to shooting with three big mirrors, two cameras, a few outfit changes and some plants. I cleared out the space of its usual furniture, I put my phone away, and I had music playing. I was able to forget the world and simply create for a few hours, and it was incredibly therapeutic. It helped me to channel my anxiety into something productive. While I didn’t set out to do anything more than pass the time and reignite my creativity, once I began taking the photos, a wave of thoughts and emotions poured in. I remembered why I love shooting with mirrors. Now more than ever, we’re being forced to take long hard looks at ourselves, internally and externally, personally and as a society. Suddenly, using mirrors felt more significant because of that.
I had to really look at myself in the mirror in a way I hadn’t in a long time, to reflect on what it means to spend so much time alone, on who I am in the world. I tried not to censor my thoughts as they bounced around in my mind. I looked at myself and thought about every mistake I have made in the last year, every heart break I’ve gone through, every failure and trauma I’ve endured. I thought about my impending birthday, turning 37 in a few weeks, and I had to gaze at who I am right now, and what this means as a woman, for my body, my desirability as I get older, and what any of that even mattered anymore. Then, I thought about how lucky I was to even be able to do this, as there are countless people without the space, time or resources to be creative right now. I thought about the failures of the health system, the suffering that is happening, and the threats of climate change. I was reminded of my incredible privileges, my innate sense of resilience, and an appreciation for who I am today and what I can contribute to the world.
With all these thoughts tumbling around in my mind, I began to shoot a variety of self-portraits, using different dresses, angles, mirrors, and props. By the time I was done, I felt good about my work and even slightly optimistic about the future. While I haven’t formulated a more nuanced direction for the self-portrait project yet, it’s the beginning of something much larger that I am thinking about. It is a vulnerable thing to share my journey here, but my hope is that many of you can relate to this and be inspired to create your own work.